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Chess-loving atheist. Mental health writer and poet. I like The Beatles, gothic rock and metal. Living with chronic delusional disorder. ...

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About anti-psychiatry


As anyone watches me, one may notice that I've been always experimenting and trying new ways to cure. Just don't mistake it for the anti-psychiatry shit. I know some people with schizophrenia can live without medication, some can't. It's not our choice or our wish.

It's a necessity for me to take meds, as I know what will happen if I don't. First, I'll get elated from dopamine rise, then I'll get apathetic. And I'll be apathetic more and more for years. I won't be able to get up earlier than 3 pm. I'll have insomnia all the time, sometimes not able to sleep for two or three days in psychosis. Abulia will make me stop doing anything. Then, I'll develop paranoid ideas. I'll be suspicious and plots-seeking. From time to time I'll get psychoses: I'll lose weight to 36 kgs, have tachycardia and high blood pressure, delusions and voices. I might even die from it, if I don't take any meds. My logical thinking will disappear, and I'll turn to some religious or mystical things. I will be thinking up how people are plotting against me and I will be seeing "signs" and "allusions" everywhere. I might start stalking people on web from my paranoia (I'll be thinking that they're stalking me) and visit far-away cities in vain. I'll see everything as connected to me and perceive people as if they're trying to chase me and I'll see threatening hints everywhere. I'll quarrel with all of my friends and sit at home alone trying not to go out at all. Maybe lying in bed all day long with eyes and ears shut. I'll be often suicidal and may start to self-harm. Every little thing will paranoidly hurt me, and real hurts will hurt me even more. I'll be planning ways to end up my own life all the time.

I don't want such life. So I've been taking meds for three years already, and except times when I tried to give them up, hoping for psychotherapy to help, I have a much better life than before. How can people be so cruel and insensitive to require the mentally ill "not to be silly" and "to live like normals" and "to throw away meds"? It's just ignorance and pure silliness.

We may have nice hopes when looking at those in good remission, but not forget that it's just luck and every case of schizophrenia is not going to be so cheerful. If febrile schizophrenia develops, people may die from it. So those who expect all mentally ill people to throw away meds and think themselves healthy, but "mauled by evil therapists" and "victims of mind control system", - are silly and dangerous themselves.

"Schizophrenia is not an illness"

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