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bullfrogr

Something about a life of a person with chronic delusional disorder.

Stigma is never right

From my experience with bullies, some people managed to tell me I'm a "wrong" schizophrenic, as I haven't killed myself or someone else yet. I thought normal life is an achievement, and suicide or homicide can hardly be a good aim in life.

Never thought there'll ever come a time when I'll be struggling for sympathy among people thinking me a living nightmare. Always thought that being intelligent gets you acquaintances easily. I got used to be valued and respected, and not used to be humiliated just for being sick. So for me it seems like a big step to tag my twitter profile with #schizophrenia and to show my real name. I haven't got nothing but sympathy here in five years, so I decided it's alright.

I know some of my friends who have schizophrenia avoid talking about it online. And all shrinks tell me it's the right way to conceal things. So when I started this blog, I thought it to be just a secluded place to vent my thoughts. But I always felt it's so wrong that I should be trembling at the thought anyone can get to know my real name or shuddering at learning that another person blocked me or stopped talking when he/she learned something about me. It's not how life should be arranged. People shouldn't be obliged to hide their problems that may lead to suicide or just death if they give up meds.

I see so many people with cancer, depression, bipolar disorder and other illnesses expressing their views freely and getting some kind of relief from it. Schizophrenia shouldn't be a taboo. I know there're so many people suffering silently, not able to talk about illness openly. Some write from anonymous accounts on forums etc. It seems so unfair that those who are most vulnerable should defend from bullies.

I know what usually happens after disclosing illness. People either block you or see you as a punching clown. If no one will be doing anything about it, how is it going to change? They treat you like you should be thankful you aren't euthanized, and even if they tolerate those who conceal illness and cope well, but they're merciless to those who can't cope. Though everyone accepts cancer and other serious diseases as nothing to be ashamed of. If there were more people with schizophrenia "coming out from the shade", it might have changed that attitude.

Childhood dreams
Frozen in Fear

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Wednesday, 17 October 2018
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